I was contemplating the relation of time and mortality a while back, (no I'm not kidding, and yes it was a weird day) and the excerpt below just kinda.... happened. Each scene or idea I post on here for you guys, is done with the idea that it could inspire. The hope that you could read what I've written, in its crude form, and it could spark something else. If I'm lucky, this one will do just that.
“Atara…”
“Hmmm?” Her voice was distant as she regarded the mirror, leaning in and fixing her hair.
“What is going on.”
“With what? Lot’s of things are ‘going on’, you’ll have to be a bit more specifi
“With us.”
Her grey eyes flicked to his brown ones in apprehension for just a moment before returning to her reflection.
“James, we’re fine.”
“No we aren’t. This is wrong.”
“What is?”
“What must I do? You know how I feel about you. You’ve known forever. We’ve been after this immortal for 2 years now, side by side in every moment, and still you blatantly ignore me. What do I have to do to prove myself? To get your attention?”
Known forever...
She winced, closing her eyes. Refusing to look at him. He had finally broken her tenuous hold on the subject. Her heart cried out.
“James…”
“Don’t you ‘James’ me. Not again. You can’t pass it off this time. What is wrong with me, that you can’t even address it? I know you’re good, I know you’re kind, I know you’re honest. So why won’t you just tell me?!”
He raked his hands through his black hair in aggravation, eyes burning holes into her tired heart as she turned away.
“James, the immortal-”
“This isn’t about the immortal! This is about you and me!”
Oh, the irony.
“It is always about the immortal. Whether you know it or not.”
“What are you talking about? Whether I know it or not? I’ve been here the whole time, Atara. There is nothing you could know that I don’t. I’ve been looking for her longer than you have. This has nothing to do with the immortal.”
But James…
“Please, leave it alone.”
“No!” He grabbed her and forced her to face him. “I can’t drop it! I can’t keep this up, Atara. I can’t pretend that I don’t love you. I’ve never been able to.”
“I know, but this can’t happen.”
Her eyes were pleading, and his desperate.
“Why not? What law says that we can’t love each other? What is stopping it? What is so wrong with me that you aren’t even willing to try?”
She couldn’t look at him. Eyes screwed shut, she peeled his fingers off of her and stepped back.
She was crying. He had to restrain himself from wrapping her up again and wiping the tears away.
“We know each other like no one else ever will. And I know that you feel for me too. Just tell me! Give me something.”
“I-I can’t.” Her voice was cracking as tears continued to fall.
“Why not?”
Silence reigned for a moment. When she finally spoke, he had to step forward just to hear her whispered words.
“You’re too young.”
He was incredulous.
“What the heck? Atara.”
She flinched like she’d been hit.
“You’re too young to know about forever.”
“I do know about forever. We’re hunting an immortal for goodness sakes. I’ll take a bullet for you, I’ll stay by your side into eternity, I’ll-”
“Don’t make those kind of promises James. You won’t be able to keep them.”
“Atara, why can’t you just-”
“James. No. Stop. Please.” She covered her ears and curled in on herself. She hated doing this to him… to herself… all over again. He stepped towards her once more, gently cupping her face in his hands. She turned her face up to meet his, their eyes swimming. He rubbed his thumbs over her cheeks to wipe away the tears. Then leaned down and rested his forehead against hers.
Why? Why again? Why must I do this?
She shouldn’t tell him. She shouldn’t. She should just walk away. But just like before, she couldn’t.
“James, I do love you.” she breathed the words, and they ghosted across his face.
Effortlessly, she put her hands around his neck and pulled him down to her level, stretching up on her toes and kissing him gently. Once. He tried to pull her closer, but she wriggled away from him.
“Which is why I have to go.”
“Why are you doing this?” he begged. His best friend, his love, and she was leaving him without reason.
She grasped his hand one more time and he clutched at her fingers.
“Too young to know about forever.”
She choked back a sob, squeezed once, and ran.
He chased her, but she was already lost.
Too young to know about forever.
He collapsed onto the concrete, burying his head in his hands in defeat. She was gone. He had searched for hours. Something in his pocket crinkled, and he pulled it out, dragging the back of his hand across his face to try and clear his vision.
Dear James, it read. Atara. How did she slip this in his pocket? He gripped the paper tighter, rubbing an index finger over the smudges left by her tears.
I’m so sorry. So, so sorry. I did you wrong. I should have never let you love me. I shouldn’t have let myself love you. But James, there is no forever for us. I know you won’t understand, and I can’t explain. But trust me one last time, please. I can’t begin to make up for the thing I have done to you, and you will never see me again. Don’t waste any more of your life on seeking the immortal, she won’t be found any more than I will. I love you, James, and I will never forget you, though I’m hoping beyond hope that you will forget me. Thank you for everything, and I am so sorry.
Forever yours,
Atara
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